This is comparable to why I love performance. Probably my very favorite thing about watching a performance by someone I know personally is getting to see that unmatchable effect it has on them when they step up on to that stage in front of an audience. The effect is astounding. The powerful become weak, the shy become witty, the mysterious become funny, and the outcast become glamorous. I was even enraptured by viewing a video of my own son when he performed at an open-mic night here in Downey. He is incredibly outgoing, but sometimes chickens out when the pressure is put on him to “perform” in social situations. But he went on anyway, and the excitement he had for the songs he shared was nothing less than charming. The giddy delight he had every time he made a mistake and his repeated insistence that he sing just one more, and then another, and another, was heart-warming. This is even true of my friends from my former life, professional chameleons like I once was. Even though they are good at it– the vulnerability, the control of emotions, the focus on action–there never ceases to be something truly amazing and beautiful about seeing another facet of that diamond that is that particular human being.
So it’s not such a stretch that my passion for theatre extends to my passion for childbirth. Women do the same thing in labor. What is inside often comes out, for all to see. This is why it is such a vulnerable and personal thing for us. This is why it can be difficult to give birth in an unfamiliar environment or in the presence of unfamiliar or unwelcome individuals. But what is inside will eventually come out– and I’m not just talking physiologically here. The weak do indeed become incredibly strong, the loud and obnoxious might become silent and introverted, the flirty girl might not want to be touched, the angry might cry, the gentle become self-determined and powerful.
This is one reason I want to become a doula someday. To be able to experience humanity in such a powerful and rich way seems to be so thrilling– even more than doing theatre. This all happens in the theatre, and after the show we go for a drink, then go our separate ways, then come together the next night to do it all again. It’s beautiful really, but also very mundane. But birth… ah… birth is monumental. Life is never the same after a new being enters this world. It’s sacred.
And theatre was once a sacred, religious act. But the passage of time has turned it secular. I suppose the same could be said of childbirth. Yet with all the changes that women have experienced in regards to the ways in which we give birth, the passage of time has not been able to rob humanity of the sacredness of birth. No matter how many c-sections an OB performs during his/her day at work, each of those mothers still goes home a new being.
It’s the change that delivers permanence. That’s something that the temporal existence of theatre cannot imitate. All it can do is express it.
So at intermission, I will have a cup of tea. And since I’m a mother, I’ll take it sweetened, with plenty of milk.